


Eternity

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Suicide, so no graphic depictions, takes place after Taeyong is gone, this is just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 15:18:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20623190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Johnny reads the letter Taeyong left for him.





	Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while in a very sad mindset, so this is basically me venting out my negative and angsty feelings. I cried while writing this, so be warned, it’s pretty sad.

Johnny’s heart has never felt heavier than it does in this moment. He’s trying to run, trying to keep pace with the wind, but he feels so slow. He feels like he isn’t even moving at all. It’s cold out, numbingly so, but he feels nothing. Emptiness in his heart that was once filled with love and light.

In one hand he clasps a piece of paper, a letter. A letter he hasn’t found the strength to read since the incident. It’s been sitting in his drawer, untouched for weeks now, and Johnny had finally decided enough was enough. Taeyong had wanted to tell him something, and Johnny needed to know what it was.

In the other hand, is Taeyong’s favorite sweater. It’s soft, so soft, and Taeyong wore at all the time. The baby blue always looked so nice against his skin, and now that he’s gone, Johnny finds it hard to be without it. Though it’s definitely too small to fit him, just having it in his hands helps him feel grounded. It even still vaguely smells like Taeyong, and it’s the closest thing Johnny has to having the love of his life in his arms again.

Finally, he reaches the rusted metal entrance to the field adorned with endless headstones, with endless names of forgotten beings, that were once living and breathing just like him. He forced his feet to take him forward and inside the cemetery, stepping along the pathway, hearing the pebbles crunch under his feet as he mulled himself through the many, many gravesites, before his destination was finally reached.

Lee Taeyong  
1995 - 2019

Even just looking at the headstone makes Johnny feel physically ill, but he knows this is the place he needs to be. This will be the first time he’s gathered the courage to show up here, to stand with Taeyong at his final resting place. It almost gives him a sense of calm, and he takes a deep breath, sending a prayer to whoever was listening, and finally, he unfolds the letter.

“Johnny,  
I want to say that I’m sorry. You’ve stood by me through everything and never let go, only for me to be the one to leave you. It breaks my heart to know I won’t be with you anymore, to keep you warm or to kiss you, but you know I’ll always be with you.”

Johnny has to rip his eyes away from the letter, cheeks already wet with fresh tears as he reads Taeyong’s unmistakable neat handwriting. After another shaky deep breath, grappling with himself for a moment, he forces himself to continue.

“I won’t be able to explain why I did what I did. But I want you to know that it is not your fault. You gave me everything worth living for in my life, so please, I beg of you, do not blame yourself.  
You’re my first love and my last love, and I want to thank you for that. You’ll always be in my heart, wherever I go no matter where it is. And I know this isn’t the end, someday you’ll find me again. Someday I’ll run into your arms again and never let go, and the universe will be at peace. But for now, our time is finished. But our souls will always be connected. We will find each other again.  
Please tell everyone else that I’m sorry. Tell them how much they mean to me and how amazing they were in my life. And please, don’t mourn me. Don’t be sad, because now I’m free of pain and sadness for the rest of eternity. Be happy for me, celebrate life, don’t mourn death. Take walks in the springtime, take naps during warm summer afternoons, watch the sunrise and the sunset, and think happy thoughts of me. Find someone and fall in love, start a family, raise beautiful and happy children. Live a fulfilling life. You deserve it more than anyone.  
In another life we’ll be together, but for now we part ways. I love you more than anything and I look forward to the day we reunite. Please give the guys a hug for me, and look out for each other. You guys are like family, never forget that.  
I’m passing my mission on to you now. Just be happy. Find happiness somewhere, no matter where that is. Because in the end, that’s all life’s about. Finding happiness.

Your angel, your love, your rock,  
Taeyong.

P.S. if you ever feel lonely, look up at the stars at night, and the brightest one you see will be me watching over you.”

Johnny’s face is soaked in tears by the end of it, and he’s soon crumbling into the ground on his knees in front of Taeyong’s headstone, one hand holding it as he sobs. Tears are falling and hitting the ground, and Johnny hopes Taeyong can feel them, somehow. Hopes he knows that Johnny’s here, and he always will be.

“I miss you so much, Taeyong.” He chokes out. “I miss you so much. I would do anything to see you again. To bring you back.” With his shaky hands, he holds the sweater to his chest, crying and crying and crying. Taeyong took a piece of his heart with him when left, and Johnny knows he’ll never get it back.

“Wherever you are my Yong... I hope you’re happy. Living with no pain, just like you said.” He swallows hard as stands on his unsteady legs, folding the letter back up and placing it gently inside his jacket pocket, so he can hold onto the sweater with both of his hands. He rubs the soft material against his face and imagines Taeyong’s small, delicate hands on cupping his cheeks, just like he used to do all the time. He imagines pressing one last kiss onto his lover’s lips. He misses him, desperately. He knows he’ll never see him again. But he somehow believes that Taeyong is out there, in heaven perhaps, dancing in the warm sun, forever in harmony. He likes to believe that, anyway. It makes him feel at peace.

As he’s making his way out of the dreadfully depressing cemetery, he chances a look up at the night sky above him. It’s a clear night, and the stars shine confidently. His eyes stop on one that sticks out more than the rest, that shines just that tiny bit brighter, that shows off more than the others. Deep down in his heart, Johnny believes that it’s Taeyong, looking out for him, keeping his promise.

Taeyong never broke a promise, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in my notes so there’s no fancy fonts. It’s less pleasing to look at but oh well. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
